the dog vs ex-boyfriend

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So I really wanted to write about something thought provoking and meaningful, really. I did. But for some reason I’m not feeling the profound tonight yet, so I decided instead to write about why Dog and my ex boyfriend are similar, but Dog is better. I thought about this today while I was on my way to work. I even wrote down the more salient points because I was afraid I would forget. So many good thoughts leak out of my head during the day that I thought that might be a good idea.

  1. He has peed in a/the house…Seriously, they have this in common. Points to Dog because he looks ashamed after he does it. Also, he was never drunk at the time.
  2. We sleep in the same bed and never have sex. Points to Dog because for obvious reasons, I’m okay with that. Actual negative points to bf because for equally obvious reasons, I was NOT okay with THAT.
  3. He gives me puppy dog eyes when he’s in trouble. Points to Dog because I don’t want to slap the everloving shit out of him for it.
  4. He listens when I’m talking to him. Points to Dog because it’s not because he fell asleep.
  5. He’s kinda dumb. I mean, okay, he’s smart for being The Dog, alright? But we’re talking a Dog and a BF on the same intellectual level. Points to Dog.
  6. I rescued him from jail. Okay that’s not a similarity but it was funny. For a second.
  7. He sleeps sprawled across my back. The weight differential is all the explanation needed why Dog wins this one.

There’s probably more similarities, I’m sure, but my Cup-O-Soup is getting cold. Maybe I’ll do a second installment. Or maybe next it will be, “How Cat is like my Potted Plant”. Stay tuned, O Faithful Readers! (I get to use plural now. Very exciting.)

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