“i can see the force!” (and where i almost take back the smart car blog)

Whew! Now that my homework is finished and I have waded my way through three days of blogs and the requisite comments (note to self: do not leave blog reading for three daysever again.) I can now proceed with doing what I do (second) best: entertaining you with my thoughts. We won’t go into what I do first-best, but suffice to say, I’m good. Real good.

And on that provocative note: I found out today that yes, in fact, Slimfast can go bad. Apparently, even stuff in cans (such as Slimfast and Diet Coke) can and will curdle and/or go sour and/or flat even in an unopened container. A dear friend (who shall remain nameless, for her own protection) discovered this tasty fact today, when she popped the top of a Slimfast can and found something similar to this:

Oh, I can’t. It’s just too gross. 1N made me promise not to put a picture of vomit in my blog, and as it turns out, it is too gross to illustrate. If you MUST see, you can find it here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.*

So photo illustration aside, Slimfast does go bad, and not only that, it has a nasty aftertaste (not that she found that out, or anything) AND it has texture like diluted refried beans. I hate refried beans, diluted or not. So that’s the worst and least disgusting description I could come up with spur-of-the-moment. Several others came to mind but I’m in a curiously non-disgusting frame of mind tonight.

To continue.

Friends, it’s days like today that the SMART car I blogged about yesterday actually becomes more and more appealing. It cost me thirty effin’ dollars to fill up my tank today. I could hear the dollars whizzing from my bank account into the tank of my 12-gallon rice burner faster than a SMART car (or Vilate on a compture chair) screaming onto the freeway. Ree-fuckin’-DICK-u-lous! PLUS change! These gas prices absolutely eat my ASS. It’s like the economy is squeezing us like a handful of lab rats and waiting until our brains explode out of our eyeballs just to see how long we’ll put up with these gas prices.

Let’s be clear. I don’t vote (yeah yeah go ahead and leave me hate mail, I can take it) and I know absolutely jack shit about the government and economics and public policy and what effect the war is having on the price of gas in my manure-smelling-City-Of-Destiny, but I sure as hell take notice when gas is almost three dollars a gallon. Is it just me, or is that absolute highway robbery?!? No, scratch that. It’s straight on ass-rape without even the benefit of lubrication or a gratuitous reach-around. Fucking inconsiderate if you ask me. I don’t even know who to blame, I’m that ignorant.

In other news: my hairstylist is losing patience with me. I flaked on making an appointment with her last week and now I feel like a big jerk. Even more so when I look at my hair in the mirror and see that the back of it is too long for me to make stand on end (my favorite look right now is the “I-just-had-great-sex-and-don’t-care-about-my-hair” style. It’s apropos at the moment, thank goodness. Angel was right about my tattoo.)

Speaking of tattoo, I’m getting color done this week. I’m not sure where he’s going to start, I’m kind of leaving it up to him because, well, he’s the one with the needle and I pretty much do whatever he says. So I’ll definitely post more pics later this week.

Ummm…I really really wish I had more interesting stuff to tell you. But I don’t. Last night’s blog took a lot out of me so I need to rest the creative juices for a while and think up some more really fun stuff to write about. In the meantime, I have decided to go plug myself in the Top Bloggers Forum, which I have not ever done, because, well, I’m worried that all my subscribers are really just made up people and don’t really read my stuff, and therefore no one else will either. Except those of you that make comments and kudos. And except those of you that really DO read my blog and are NOT made up people, I just sure appreciate the hell out of you, too. I just appreciate you all even if you ARE made-up people. I’m not really sure if the above link will work, by the way.

In visiting the Top Blogger Forum today I saw that one of my favorite bloggers, my Myspace Arch-Enemy Himself, Will Entrekin, is one of the featured bloggers this week, which is just really cool, and well-deserved (arch-enemies always compliment each other). I’m hoping that if enough people read my blog I might also become featured. It’s my dream. It’s a humble one. Don’t smash it.

A PS before the blog is even finished: I think The Dog is sick. I might have to take him to the vet. Normally when I come home it’s like being hit by a 45 pound, black and slobbering tornado of puppy love, but today I had to hunt all over the house before I found him. Plus he’s walking like he’s got a monster load to drop but he hasn’t yet.  More on that by tomorrow.

On that note, I will close with the observation that someone just drove by the front of my house blaring the Star Wars theme at top volume out their car windows. 1T would be so proud. And then probably run outside at top speed, holding his Star Wars belt buckle for dear life, screaming “Take me with you! I can see the Force!” Or whatever the hell it is that those Star Wars junkies scream at the top of their lungs when in hot pursuit of a mating call such as the Star Wars theme music.


 

* By the way, I got that pic from an entire website devoted to vomit pictures. I am almost tempted to write a blog about the time and effort it takes to support a site devoted completely to pictures of people spewing their guts out. EW!

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