attraction…the good, the bad, and the ugly

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Okay, first topic. I need a name for my blog, or some sort of catchy phrase for the top of it. I’ve been thinking but haven’t come up with anything suitable. Suggestions welcome.

Next, I need one of those cool graphic logo things. Where you can click and subscribe to my blog. I hear Big (not to be confused with Big Kenny) is good at making those, so I may make him tons of promises I don’t intend to keep (or maybe “threaten to keep” is a better motivator) if he will make a logo for me.

Now on to the good stuff:

I saw a few blogs today, Vilate’s being the one that I decided to pirate from, which gave me the inspiration for my third installment of the day. The topic: attraction.

Attraction is a wierd thing. I have been known to have some pretty strange taste in men. For example, let me introduce you to My Future Husband As Soon As He Leaves His Wife And Kids:

big-kenny

For those that aren’t familiar with the wonderful-ness that is Big Kenny, he is the “Big” part of Big & Rich. It’s a country band. I excuse you for hating me and/or unsubscribing immediately.

Only, please don’t…it gets better.

Since Big Kenny is currently unavailable, I would be willing to settle for My Second Choice, Gary Allan (also a country singer, in case you couldn’t tell):

104505-gary_allen

This picture really doesn’t do him justice, you can see more on his website.

At any rate, the point being that I get emails and friend requests from guys with something similar to the following in their profile and/or email: “If all you’re interested in is a GQ guy then don’t date me. I’m interested in women who look past the surface.”

So okay, in premise that’s not a bad statement to make. But let’s be real, people. Looks matter. They do. There’s no escaping it. People want to be around and be with people that they find attractive. Now, what is attractive to one person may not be what is attractive to someone else, but in order for me personally to be interested in someone, I have to be physically attracted to them. If that makes me shallow or superficial, so be it.

So when I first meet, or am approached by, a guy (called the Initial Analysis), I look at the following things, in order:

  • Face
  • Eyes
  • Smile
  • Humor
  • Body

This is not to say that if I don’t like the face, or the body, I don’t go any further. What it does mean, is that those things give me incentive to want to learn more about the guy. So shoot me.

Face. There should be something about the face that is pleasing to me. It is vague, but there it is. Symmetry sometimes does it, ruggedness can do it, chins are definitely something that gives character to a face. A weak chin makes a guy look like a waffler, too strong a chin makes him look too aggressive. Expression on the face is also important. Expressions can convey warmth, welcome, appreciation…all things you want to see on the face of someone you’re interested in. I’m turned off by guys who have expressions of boredom or arrogance. No thanks.

Eyes. Eyes are more than just the windows to the soul…they’re also windows to intelligence. Have you ever noticed you can look at someone in the eyes, and there is nothing there? I mean, literally nothing. They have nothing going on in their heads. It’s like crickets are chirping in there or something. Eyes also convey personality. Squinting or tight around the corners (when not outside) can indicate someone who’s uptight instead of relaxed. Eyes also have humor. You can tell a lot about someone by whether their eyes seem to be smiling or not.

Smile. Along with this, are teeth. Teeth don’t have to be perfectly straight and white, don’t get me wrong. But if they’re all snaggly-toothed it’s a turn off. Sorry. What I like to see on a guy is frequent smiles. It means that he enjoys life and whatever it is he’s doing, but only if the smile is genuine. Smiles can be fake, or too toothy, and those suck.

Humor. It is absolutely essential to me that a guy have a sense of humor. Also, a sense of humor that coincides with mine, which isn’t always easy to find. It should be original humor too. A guy who uses the same funny line over and over because he got a laugh out of it once has no originality. I’m not saying they have to keep me rolling 24/7…in fact, that would really become old quick. Just in daily life, while telling stories, etc, I look for a clever wit and willingness to laugh.

Body. Body is difficult. There really is no perfect body type out there. Everyone has a flaw, or two, or three. Body confidence is the key. Of course, sculpted arms and abs don’t hurt, but with a guy like that I’d be more self-conscious than anything about my own flaws. I like bodies that are reasonably in shape, taller than me, not too skinny (because I definitely don’t want to feel like the “big” one in the relationship), strong, manly. Guys must be manly. Seriously. More on that later.

So after the initial attraction has been determined, then I move into the Relationship Analysis. This process can take anywhere from one to two weeks. Remember when I said in my other blog that my rule is to decide and get out quick? Here’s where I’m doing that. I’m trying to figure out whether our goals and ideas mesh, whether there’s enough to be a healthy difference of opinion or if we’re so alike that it would be like dating myself (urgh). I’m looking at factors such as:

  • Values
  • Job
  • Habits
  • Confidence
  • “Manliness”

Values. Super important. I can’t date a guy without values. This means that some behavior, moral, thought, whatever means something to him. For example: Honesty. A guy must value honesty. Not only valuing it meaning he speaks it, but values it from me as well. Because I sure as hell give it, and a little too bluntly sometimes, and so I need a guy who likes that. And I also can’t stand liars. Also important: follow-through, reliability, keeping one’s word, faithfulness, etc.

Job. It doesn’t have to be a well-paying job, necessarily, but a man should be gainfully employed. I understand and appreciate when it’s my turn to pay, not a problem. But when he never has the money to go out, or do anything for that matter, that totally crimps my style. Also, a man who is doing what he loves to do, and has a real passion for it, is definitely a turn on. I would overlook the “paying for stuff all the time” for a guy who was in a period where he wasn’t making much money but was doing something he was passionate about.

Habits. This kind of stuff is important. Does he smoke? Drink? Does he have a problem if I were to do those things? How tolerant is he? How clean is he? How does he groom himself? Frequent showers? Does he talk a lot? Does he talk a lot about himself? Does he say “please” and “thank you”? Does he open doors? Stuff like that. Things that are irritating early on will only become more irritating as time passes. Just something to take into consideration. Sounds wierd but there are all types out there, and things like that come back to bite you in the ass sometimes. Trust me.

Confidence. A little self-denigrating humor now and then is definitely cool. Just not all the time. Negative people bring me down. Like seriously, I can’t handle it for extended periods of time. I’m the type that picks up and mirrors the attitudes of the people around me, and I cannot handle being around someone who is perpetually negative. There has to be somebreak in the clouds. I want a guy who is confident and self-assured, is what it comes down to. Not to be confused with arrogant or too prideful.

“Manliness”. This is a vague quality. It’s hard to describe but it means: he’s the man in the relationship, and he knows it. Not in a “make my dinner, bitch” type of way, but not afraid to take control, make plans, take the initiative, likes to treat his woman well, that sort of thing. I don’t want to wear the pants in a relationship. I do that often enough at work.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am all about adjusting to people’s flaws and all that. These are just things I take into consideration. Sometimes there’s tradeoffs and compromises. With the right chemistry with someone, everything else just kind of…works.

Okay enough of that. For tomorrow, I promise to talk about sex. I have never touched on sex in my blog before, so some of you may think that means I don’t have a sexual nature, but beleive me, that’s not the case. Those of you that are squeamish and/or feel that this would be too much information about 2N, please feel free to skip tomorrow’s post (I will clearly label it for aforementioned skipping ease). All others: Bring it!

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