friends and fambly · love and relationships

give me passion…or give me death

Friends, I am FIRED UP. I had a Myspazzer conversation tonight loosely based on some drama that a real-life friend is going through right now, and this is what ensued. I had to stop the conversation so I could get this out.

When people ask what I am passionate about? It’s simple. Life.

2N: i appreciate a positive outlook
2N: it’s hard for me to deal with constant negativity
2N: I can totally appreciate someone going through hard times and pulling through. you know?
Rockin’ Friend: i try really hard not to be negative…obviously, i have my moments
2N: i mean, people have challenges i can never comprehend
Rockin’ Friend: i get frustrated with one of my girlfriends because she’s cynical
2N: i don’t get that attitude
Rockin’ Friend: but when you don’t know that yet…
Rockin’ Friend: it’s hard to find it
Rockin’ Friend: you know
Rockin’ Friend: the ‘it’
2N: it’s true
Rockin’ Friend: when you go through your growing pains
2N: heh
Rockin’ Friend: and you come out the other side
Rockin’ Friend: fucking ALIVE
2N: I am so glad you get that

I have been hurt.

Badly. You know that. Maybe you don’t, but you should by now.

Still, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Because let me tell you, in utter seriousness…I would not for a minute, not for a second, trade what that pain has taught me about life.

I am one of those people that will continually throw themselves against the brick wall of life. I will continually test myself in the waters of optimism, I will never give up on life. I will test myself against it over and over and over. Because, well, it’s never over. I have hurt, I have been eviscerated, I have been completely, absolutely soul-stripped and put back together.

No, it’s not fun. Yes, it’s painful.

But it is essential.

And like my rockin’ friend says, you come back out on the other side, and you know one thing, and one thing only.

You are fucking ALIVE.

You are experiencing what it means to LIVE and be FREE and make choices and abide by those choices and direct your own life rather than wait in the shadows and be directed by fear.

I understand it. But on the other hand, I don’t. I get so much joy from being alive, from FEELING…that I can’t imagine making the choice not to. I can’t imagine not choosing LIFE over fear, not choosing life over pain, because life IS pain, and love, and fear, and happiness, and freedom, and just being so fucking alive that you can’t stand it. It’s about being passionate and knowing, that pretty much this is what you got. This is your chance, your life, your blank canvas, your blank computer screen, take your pick, it’s your ART. It will be what you want, what you make of it.

How can you miss out? It’s all right there. It’s just waiting, just waiting for you to live it.

I love it.

But maybe I’m a masochist.

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