lfb: no fear (or maybe some)

This week’s LFB topic: A commentary on your biggest fear.

Hmmmmm.

I’m afraid of a lot of things, it seems like sometimes. Like I’m just a big quivering jelly bucket of fear. Then other times, it seems like I’m being incredibly brave…like getting tattoos and piercings and trying new things.

Talking about fear, I think, is hard for a lot of people because fear is often mistaken for weakness. I guess the thing is, that I don’t think fear is a weakness, unless you let it rule you. For example. Fear can a lot of times keep you safe! It can make sure that you don’t take unneccessary risks. Being cautious isn’t a bad thing, I don’t think.

On the other hand, if you let fear rule your life, you end up not even living your life. It can keep you from experiencing new things, or trying new relationships, keeping you in a rut.

So what am I afraid of?

I would say that I’m scared of spiders, but I’m not really, I’m just totally creeped out by them. Plus, when I was a kid, I watched some bizarre movie called Kingdom of the Spider or something, where the entire town was killed by some sort of mutant spider. I had nightmares about that for years afterward. But now, when I see them, I just get creeped out. They’re squiggly and if they have big butts, they squish when you step on them. Ew.

What else?

I’m afraid of dying. Seriously. I think about it sometimes too much and I freak myself out. I think about the Kid getting old and having Kids of his own and maybe me not seeing them and all the cool things that will happen after I’m dead…it scares me. Plus what happens after you die? What if it’s bad? What if it’s nothing like I think it will be? What if it hurts? What if in my last few moments of life I am thinking about everything I haven’t done? What if I spend my last moments overwhelmed with fear and regret? What if that sense of acceptance and understanding doesn’t happen? That’s what I think about a lot. Wierd, huh?

Let’s see…

There’s all the things that I used to be afraid of, that I got over…I used to be afraid of my ex. Eventually I got over that and kicked his ass to the curb, though I was afraid of doing that too. I was afraid of going into labor until it happened…and then  it was just something to deal with.

I think a lot of fears that people have is just fear of the unknown. I think that until something happens to you, you don’t really know what will happen or how you will deal with it. And then suddenly the thing you fear is happening, and you have the choice of either moving forward and getting through it, or being so afraid that you buckle and collapse. I think we as human beings have the capacity for tremendous courage and bravery, we just don’t know it till it’s put to the test.

And now, my dear friends, I will close with telling you that I am afraid that if I don’t blog often enough or comment frequently enough, you guys will hate me and leave me forever. I guess I’ll just deal with that if it happens, and in the meantime, I’ll just apologize and say, I hope you stick around.

Mush out.


LFB

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