oh look! it’s my dust mote!

I have more important insights to share. Since I feel certain that the majority of you (if not all of you) have been sitting in front of your computer screens awaiting the latest crop of genius to issue from my keyboard, I have decided to enlighten you. Also because there is no one here to talk to except the Dogs, and all they want to do is slobber on my pants and lick my face. They have no appreciation for subtlety.

The first idea of note is, nobody better ever get me one of those “name a star” things. While I was out driving around (in the SUNSHINE, thankyouverymuch) I heard no fewer than three ads for naming a star after someone. The reason this is ridiculous is that unless I go to the copyright office or look at their website, AND happened to have a degree in astronomy, I would never ever know which star was named after me, or if any even was – maybe you just paid $35 for a fancy piece of paper. Seriously, is anyone fifty years from now going to learn in school that this star in the xyz quadrant is called “The 2N”? I like to compare this to naming a cloud after me. Which is actually better because at least then I can see it. Or better yet, a dust mote! That dust mote there is named after ME! Go fly, be free! How romantic.

Next: if you really want to get me a meaningful gift, get me a lifetime supply of Cup O Soup. Really. I have passed up making myself a nice juicy flank steak three times this week in favor of the ease and convenience of a flavorful Cup O Soup. What’s better than that? Short answer: Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, maybe a few things, thinking of which leads me to my third brainwave:

I need a new sex toy. Seriously, people. The Li’l Purple Buddy is running out of steam. Its little turn on switch thing is kind of broken, which means I have to do this thing where I press on it as I turn it on, and if I don’t press on the switch, it won’t buzz. This means that I have to actually concentrate to use it, which as you can imagine, will indeed distract from the whole purpose of the damn thing. Plus, it tends to lose its batteries at the least provocation which can ALSO detract from my enjoyment, as you can also probably imagine. So, that also would be a good gift. Nothing fancy, just something that operates like it’s supposed to and keeps its batteries where they belong.

One of those little iRobot vacuum thingies would be cool too. Although the commercial where the lady is stroking the donkey is a little disturbing, I still feel that a little round flying saucer that vacuums up all the Dog hair clumping on my floor would really be very nice to have. Plus it can go under the couch, which I really prefer not to. I don’t have a broom which might also be fairly easy but really I would prefer to do as little work as possible. So if you’re in the market for a gift for 2N, you can always consider one of those.

So far all my deep thoughts have been about gifts. This wasn’t on purpose I don’t think. More it’s really just idle thoughts sparked by the Star Registry thing. I could have easily just expounded on the beauties of Cup O Soup and my need for a new sex toy, I suppose. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Oh also, EVERY Jeep I saw today except for one had the top down, and EVERYONE returned my Jeep Wave! I’m bringing it back! Taking it to the streets! Wooooooot!!!!

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