aggro · love and relationships

damage control


I have got to keep a positive attitude. I read in USAToday that people don’t get lonely because they’re depressed, they get depressed because they are lonely. Lonely people also are sick more frequently and lead shorter lives.

How’s that for a reason to be optimistic? I have therefore compiled a list of reasons why I am glad to be single:

  1. I can sleep on my back and not wake anyone up with my snoring.
  2. I can now talk to myself (awake and asleep) with impunity.
  3. I can text all my ex boyfriends and find that they have girlfriends now (I especially love that one).
  4. I can finally have my Sex And the City marathon that I’ve put off for far too long.
  5. I now have a for-real excuse to hustle down to Castle and get myself a brand new vibrator.
  6. I can finally satisfy my curiosity about that personality test on eHarmony without feeling guilty.
  7. I can sleep like a starfish. All spread out in the middle of the bed.
  8. The Dog can sleep in the bed again. Actually, that’s more of a bonus for him than for me, so maybe not.
  9. I can have meaningless sex. Assuming, of course, that I can find someone to have meaningless sex with.
  10. I can free up some of the millions of picture frames around here and add all my “before” pics (motivation for #11)
  11. I can now devote all my time to the gym and to becoming a skinny little stick figure. This will up my chances for #9.

That’s probably enough for now. This was a good exercise, right? Right. Glad we did this.

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