TGIF (vol. 2): leave me alone…wait, hold on.

Sooooo….this came up a few days ago in a google.

askmen_full

 

And…I didn’t hate all of it. Just some of it. Here’s the link.

It talks about ways men can make women fall in love with them. It also brought to mind a song I was listening to just the other day that seems vaguely appropriate, so I’ve linked it below for you as well.

You’re welcome.

So if you read this post, making a woman fall in love with you is as simple as expressing interest, but not too much interest, being available but not too available, being positive, asking her questions, things like that.

Put that way, I never really realized how hard it was before. Women spend a lot of time obsessing wondering how to make men interested, it didn’t really occur to me that men might think about the same thing.

Here’s the short list from the article, you can read all the deets at the link I handily provided you above, since I’m not trying to plagiarize today. Note that the article counts down from 10, and because I’m not an HTML expert, I can’t figure out how to make my ordered lists do the same thing.

  1. Manage her expectations.
  2. Do not pre-judge her.
  3. Live and let live.
  4. Make her the center of your universe.
  5. Smile.
  6. Be the best you can be.
  7. Play hard to get.
  8. Do not make the first move.
  9. Keep her guessing.
  10. Don’t be too friendly.

Soooo….the thing is, I agree with a lot of it. But let’s look at the first paragraph – guys nowadays are wondering why they have to go out and get a girl and why the girl doesn’t come to them. I mean, I guess that kind of makes sense. But call me a cave woman or  whatever, I kind of expect the guy to make the first move. So if the guy is waiting for the girl, and the girl is waiting for the guy, then…I’m guessing that neither of them is going to get anywhere.

In my opinion, a guy that is willing to make the first move is demonstrating both confidence (totally sexy) and interest. I agree that too much interest, especially at first, can be too smothering and will kill any interest I might have in return…but some interest is good. It’s a signal that advances on the part of the woman would in fact be returned. Always a good thing.

I struggled with the “playing hard to get” part too, because it sometimes feels like both sides play too many games as it is. Don’t call her for three days, don’t answer his calls when he does call, pretend you have plans when he asks you out, you know the drill.

Playing hard to get is tough to do successfully. Instead, I am a big proponent of being hard to get: have a life, do your own thing, fill up your time with friends and family and stuff for you. That way, when you make time for that person it feels to them like you’re really giving them something instead of never having anything better to do. I think the author describes this well in #3. What’s weird is that this works so well…as if the unavailability of someone increases his or her value. As soon as something is not available, that’s when we want it.

Not making the first move goes right along with not approaching the girl first. The first move, the first approach, shows confidence. Not that women can’t, or don’t. It’s just not every woman’s thing. In my experience, a woman that makes the first move can come off as desperate or indiscriminate – and like it or not, there are still people out there that judge women more harshly than men. As in, it’s okay for a guy to sleep with 100 women (go, stud!) but a woman doing the same is a “slut”.

So no, I won’t usually make the first move.

The “don’t be too friendly” advice…I never really realized that guys were that worried about falling into the friend zone. I tend to make friends with guys on a pretty regular basis. I’ve also had those friendships turn to dating relationships from time to time – that being said, I think women look for different things in guy friends than they do in boyfriends or partners. If you’ve been friend zoned, chances are that there’s something she’s looking for in a relationship that she doesn’t see in you. I’m not convinced that it’s because you talked about “friendly stuff” with her.

On the other hand, I heartily agree with the other stuff in here. Smiling and being positive – that is such a draw. For me, nothing gets me down or turns me off like someone that is negative all the time. Being the best you can be is really great advice also – a woman that’s willing to accept someone that isn’t giving it their all is perhaps the kind of woman that is thinking she can “change” you or “improve” you, or wants to do a little rescuing in her spare time. Maybe not the kind of woman you want.

Managing expectations I think is the best advice. Make sure you’re representing who you really are. Authenticity is a big turn on and a guy that’s willing to say, here I am: take it or leave it, is one that has confidence and belief in himself.

And that’s very sexy.

Meanwhile, enjoy this from Pink. It cracks me up because it’s the whole “being unavailable” thing that makes a woman crazy…wanting you.

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