So. I had this bright idea.

I have a crockpot, right? Like, put in the food and kind of just let dinner cook itself.

So I thought to myself, hey! Why don’t I start actually cooking dinner? I can use this handy crockpot! Oh! I know! I’ll come up with a whole week’s worth of dinners, go to the store, get all the ingredients, and make a new dinner every night!

Sounds awesome, right?

So I decided four dinners was enough, and I decided on:

• Pot Roast
• Broccoli Beef
• Chicken and Spinach Gnocchi (not a crock pot recipe, but close)
• Portobello Chicken

Wednesday night was pot roast.

I’m imagining this delicious, tender, yummy-smelling dinner, like the one in the recipe:

Image and recipe from Joyously Domestic

All day, I’m imagining this. All day.

So 4:00 rolls around, and I started a little earlier that day so I figured, I can run upstairs and start the roast, right? This is like, the simplest recipe ever. Beef, some spices, and some veggies. No problem-o.

I looked up what “searing” was, and I seared the roast on all sides after seasoning it, I sautéed some veggies, all was well.

Now, I knew that roast would take a while to cook. I thought I read that it was four hours on high, six hours on low. That’s when I actually read the directions and saw that it’s supposed to cook for six hours on high, nine hours on low.

Being that it was already now 4:30 PM, it looked like dinner was going to be, oh, around 10:30 PM. At the earliest. There goes part one of my amazing plan, which was to actually have something to eat at a reasonable hour.

Then I thought, hey! My roast is only a pound and a half. I bet I can cook it for a little less time then! So I set the timer for four hours, and went back to work for a while.

A while later, I went to go check the temperature to see if it was getting close to what the internets tells me is the right temperature for a medium rare hunk of beef.

Which is when I found this:

Yes. That is the cord for the crockpot, which is quite conspicuously not plugged into the wall.

So, my lovely dinner is now this:

My plan is to place this into the plugged in crockpot at 12:00 sharp on Thursday. It’s probably going to make us all sick, at which point part two of my amazing plan will go out the window, which was: Cook something that doesn’t kill everyone.

As I’m writing this Wednesday night for posting on Friday, it’s entirely possible that you’ll see this after the announcement that all of us got taken to the hospital for food poisoning, where we died in ghastly pain and agony.

I’m hoping it doesn’t come down to that. I really am.