It’s week 23, and yesterday was my five-month anniversary in starting this iteration of the Incredible Shrinking Woman! I’m almost a third of the way to my super goal! This week we’re going to talk about my struggles with learning how to be okay with losing weight. What I mean by that is, instead of being embarrassed or ashamed about the fact that I’m trying to lose weight, I’m instead embracing it as a way that I can treat myself well.

Pounds lost: 41.2

% to super goal: 32.7%

Doing the damn thing!

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This week I’ve been thinking a lot about my motivation for losing weight. In my Coffee, Grit and Inspiration blog, we’ve been posting about self-compassion for the last couple of weeks, which has been making me think about the parts of my motivation that have to do with unhappiness over my appearance. I’m trying to reconcile my desire to feel better about how I look with my desire to accept myself the way I am.

I think where I’ve landed is that, while I am interested in the physical results of my weight loss, there are other, non-scale-related benefits I’ve been looking forward to and beginning to experience. 

Confidence

I recently got feedback from my boss that in the last year or so, I carry myself differently, with more confidence. And it’s true! I can tell that I feel more confident! While not all of that is related to losing weight, I feel more confident in general, and the more success I am experiencing, the more it grows. It comes from two places, I think.

The first is achieving something. I’ve been at it for five months and still going, I’m working hard, and I’m seeing results. I’m proving to myself that I am capable, I have focus and can dedicate myself to something. I’m also proving to myself that I can experience success in doing so.

The second is definitely physical. My body is getting stronger, and I’m learning that it can do more than I expected. I’m finding that, despite my fears, I’m not so old yet that I can’t get stronger. The idea of climbing a set of stairs no longer fills me with dread. The same with the idea of walking for a long time. I used to avoid activity for fear I wouldn’t be able to do it. While I’m not a marathon runner (and unlikely to ever be), I am a lot more confident in situations that I didn’t think I ever would be. 

Health

With my body becoming stronger, I’m experiencing other benefits. I can walk for much longer without my heart rate going through the roof. My resting heart rate has decreased from 88 bpm in February to 76 bpm in September. While I was still in the normal range before I started, I feel like my heart isn’t working as hard as it used to. My visceral fat score has decreased from 22 to 18. While I’m still not where I want to eventually be yet, I can both see and feel the difference. 

I can breathe more easily. I don’t snore as much. I’m sleeping better (as part of my program, but also because it’s easier to fall asleep and stay asleep).

My List of “I’ll Be Able To’s”

When I first started, I created a list of things I would be able to do once I achieve my goals:

1. Tie my shoes without holding my breath (or having to have my husband do it for me!)
2. Shave my legs more easily
3. Walk in high heels more easily
4. Sit in airplane seats comfortably
5. Get in and out of the Jeep more easily
6. Get up out of the couch more easily
7. Take selfies without feeling bad about myself
8. Take stairs and walk more often
9. Buy clothes from normal (any!) stores and not feel bad about trying things on

These are related to losing weight in that doing these things is easier when you have a smaller body. Your own body isn’t getting in the way as you’re trying to go about your life. Some of this is still hard, but I can already see differences in how easily I’m able to do these things. 

As a side note, as of last week I am the proud owner of a pair of Old Navy jeans in a size smaller than I was wearing from the plus size store! #babysteps.

In the End

Ultimately, I’m practicing self-compassion by helping myself to set a goal that will give me long term benefits, benefits I deserve because I’m a person, like anyone else, that deserves good things. I’m encouraging myself to succeed and recognizing my successes when they happen, just like I’d do for someone else that was trying to improve themselves. Not only am I doing this so I can look better, but also so I can feel better, be more confident, be healthier and live longer, feel stronger, and do more things. I’m not trashing myself for where I’m at today, I’m striving to change for the better. 

I don’t know if any of you, like me, struggle with your reasons for losing weight, or if you secretly are ashamed of trying to lose weight like it means you don’t accept yourself the way you are, or that you’re invalidating the “body-positivity” movement by doing so. If you do, know that you’re not alone. I truly believe that there’s nothing to be ashamed of in trying to lose weight and get healthier. It doesn’t make you a sellout, and it doesn’t mean that you hate yourself. It means you care about yourself and those that love you enough to do something really really hard so you can be here longer and experience the beauty of life longer. So let yourself get to it!

If you ever need help, or an encouraging word, please reach out. We’re in this together!

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