Okay, two things. One, I’m not drunk now, but I was earlier, and just the memory is enough to make me giddy. Two, that being the case, this will be a short one. I need water, sleep, and a little sumpin’ sumpin’ if you know what I’m saying. Not necessarily in that order.

For those that were waiting with bated breath for the In Depth Study of Men, that one’s coming tomorrow. Tonight, for my beloved readers, I tried so hard and committed the following to memory (which you know how difficult that is for me!) during my 5 trips to the ladies’. Keep in mind these were overheard over the stall, usually emitted at the top of the woman’s lungs, in case there were people in the next county that didn’t hear. Also please note that NONE of these came from anyone I know, thank GOD. So for now, I leave you with Excerpts From The Women’s Bathroom:

  • “But if I pee, I’ll pee all the alcohol out and then I won’t be drunk anymore!”
  • “I hate it when the seat liner sticks to your ass.”
  • “Oh shit I think I peed on my shoes.”
  • “Oh, you looked so happy standing there that I didn’t want to disturb you!”
  • “Honey! Honey! Don’t leave! I’m right here! Just let me wipe and I’ll be right out!”
  • “I can’t pee. Can you do it for me?”

That last one was directed at me. Surprisingly, I declined.

More tomorrow. Cheers to no hangovers!