Well, team…I had hoped to return from adventures in Seattle (which I did enjoy very much, thanks!) with many fun stories to share. Yet sadly, the only thing of note to report is that the bathrooms in the High Dive are quite unique, with velvet curtains instead of walls, and I fixed the toilet for the multitudes of women that were unable to use that stall.

There was, of course, the time I got everyone lost on the way up there, but we won’t talk about that. There was also the time when I pooped out early and went to sleep in the car, but we won’t talk about that either.

So these curtains are really interesting. You’re sitting there trying to pee, and for someone like me who has stage frightanyway, thse curtains are sheer torture. When you have several women all in there at once, swaying around in their varying states of drunkenness, you’re constantly wondering when one is going to come crashing through the curtains and onto your lap. Pure nightmare.

On one of my trips, I did fix the toilet. I’m not sure exactly what prompted me to do this, I just kinda went in there and hiked up the back of the toilet without thinking about it. All I could remember was that my toilet in my old apartment used to have this thing where the chain would slip off and the blocker thing wouldn’t lift, so I thought I’d try that approach. It was wierd, but I was slightly intoxicated, and I earned the admiration of the crowd until the next person tried to pee and it wouldn’t flush again. But hey, I don’t guarantee my work, and I was lucky just to get it fixed the once, so I’m satisfied with the evening’s results.

Now while I was talking about all that I remembered one other funny thing that happened. I encountered The Drunked Guitar Licker. Note: That actually was supposed to be “Drunken” but I accidentally typed “Drunked” which sounds SO much funnier and indeed is probably the best description of this girl. I think that when someone is really really drunk from now on, I will call him/her “drunked”.

Okay.

So we were there watching Drag Strip Riot, which, by the way, is fun times all around, every time (sometime I’ll share my exciting mosh pit experience). There’s a stage at one end of the bar. The bar is pretty narrow but long, and the stage isn’t very high. So I notice this chick up front, who’s got really long hair and is really, really drunked. Seriously, she’s toasting the band members any chance she gets, and at one point it almost looks like she’s trying to pour her drink on the lead singer. To be fair, I found out later that she was celebrating her 22nd or 23rd birthday, so I can’t necessarily mock her drunkedness all that much. I also thought I saw her kissing one of the guys in our party which was wierd, but that wasn’t the case. I was probably a little drunked myself at that point.

Anyway, she’s really tall, and really actually pretty cute, so the band members are playing up to her. All of a sudden she leans forward and licks the guitar strings on the lead guitar, like her tongue is a pick. This goes on for at least one or two minutes, which when you’re intoxicated can seem like a really long time. Now, I’m thinking, I’ve seen a lot of shows. And I see the kinds of action those strings get. And while I’ve never actually licked guitar strings so I don’t know precisely what they taste like, but I can’t imagine that they taste all that good.

So I’m a little bemused by this, and I continue watching her. I see her do the kiss thing. Then she goes over to the bassist, and instead of just licking his guitar strings, she licks his guitar itself, like every part she can reach. By this time, I’m pretty drunked, and I’m just totally impressed at how dedicated this woman is to showing her love for the band. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

So a while later, I’m outside smoking, and I hear this commotion over by the door, and I look, and who should be sprawled face down across the threshold of the doorway but Drunked Guitar Licker! Now, I’m not talking laying half-down with arms propping herself up, nor am I talking about laying completely down with face turned to the side, I am talking about straight-on, no-holds-barred, face-plant into the cement.

Being in that position several times myself (I have a serious penchant for falling down, even when not drunked), I now have a greater sympathy for Drunked Guitar Licker. She can’t help it. It’s her birthday, and she’s drunked, and who knows what she picked up from off that guitar? She was having a good time (until the face plant, I assume), she wasn’t driving, it was her birthday, and she was showing some love the only way she knew how. Plus, she sure did give me a page or two to write about in my blog, so for that, I salute her.

Cheers!