The interesting thing about my brain is, that the more stress it’s under, the more efficiently it works.

This is useful in many situations, but seriously, people…it gives me heartburn. I would really rather have the type of brain that does what it’s supposed to without the added stress of a fire under my ass to really get things moving. It’s depressing.

Money, for instance. Say for example that I have a utilities bill due. I know it’s due. They know it’s due. It’s written down in my handy spreadsheet that I use for budgeting. I see it every time I log in an expenditure. Yet I still procrastinate. It isn’t until my power is due to be shut off (god bless the utility company for their little advance notice recorded messages) that my brain kicks into creative overdrive and figures out how it can come up with enough cash to pay the entire bill right away…as opposed to thinking ahead and saving up the money.

And that’s another thing…who the fuck decided that six hundred dollars was a reasonable amount to charge someone for a utility bill? I mean, for shit’s sake. As if it wasn’t enough that gas is an arm and a leg plus change, I’m getting raped at the pump AND at home. What the hell is that? Oh, for the good old days when gas was ALMOST as expensive as milk. It’s getting to where I WISH gas was only as expensive as milk…the buy two gallons get 30 cents off deal, even!

One might think that perhaps I live outside my means via credit cards or something like that – but the truth is, I have no credit cards. I don’t spend $300 on shoes, I buy clothes infrequently (and even then, they’re all on clearance), I don’t spend inordinate amounts at the bar, I don’t go spend hundreds on my hair…the problem is I just don’t plan well. I have a nifty spreadsheet with all my expenditures budgeted out, and the months when I actually come within shouting distance of spending the money where I’m supposed to, I pat myself on the back for a job well done. It’s freaking ridiculous.

The bottom line is, I need a sugar daddy. Or at least someone to manage my bills and give me my allowance or something. Or to win the lottery. Clearly, I am not cut out for financial brilliance. This is sincerely regrettable since I am obviously so brilliant in other ways…unfortunately, however, karaoke brilliance in the bar does you no good when you have no cashola for the karaoke fuel.

Seriously, people, it’s a fortunate thing for everyone that I have a sunny disposition and can’t be kept down by The Buttfucking Utility Company nor the Greedy Asshole Gas Companies for very long. I can still take my broke ass outside this afternoon and enjoy the sunshine! I’m hoping.

photo credit: Images_of_Money via photopin cc