I hate being curious about the ex-significant other.

You know what I mean? Obviously the person you’re seeing/dating/married to/whatever had a dating past, unless you are one of those terribly tragic people that met the love of your life in pre-school and have been together since diapers (in which case you have a whole other set of problems).

I just wish that their dating past never needed to be in my present.

It’s because of crap like Facebook or Myspaz or MyLife or whatever the hell other “social networking” sites are out there, seriously. These sites really are nothing more than to keep tabs on people that really don’t concern you at all. For example: your boyfriend’s exes. Or your exes. Either way, it’s not good.

On Facebook today I see a name in my news feed and I know immediately that it’s HER. You know…her. The Ex Girlfriend. The one that I still think holds a piece of him.

So what do I do? I click, of course. I click to see what she looks like, and to see whether it really is her, and secretly (or not so secretly since I did it in broad daylight) I want to see who she’s friends with. Because suddenly that’s really super important – does she know anyone I know? Are he and her actually already friended? Am I the only one she’s not friends with????

See how terrible it is? I hate being curious about the ex. It’s really none of my business. At all. Especially right now when things are really unclear and up in the air, I wouldn’t have the right to be upset even if they were friends (which they are not, as far as I can tell, in case you were wondering too).

She’s also, in case you were wondering, disappointingly cute and not fat at all. Which really kind of sucks, in my opinion. I don’t think exes have the right to be disappointingly cute and not fat. You should always be able to feel superior to the ex. Dumb, I know, because I am an ex as well and there’s something a little discomfiting about knowing there might be another woman out there scoping out my Facebook and feeling superior.

Oh wow, that’s a whole other set of insecurities right there. Is there another woman out there scoping out my Facebook? Is she jealous or relieved? Worse yet, has she scoped out my Facebook already??? Clearly she can see who I’m dating. She can see my pictures just like I can see hers! She can check out my friends too! She might be feeling superior to me!!!

Jiminy crickets. This is way too much neuroses in one morning. I need a cigarette.