Today was Doctor Day.
I really really hate going to the doctor. So what I do is I save up all my ailments and then go to the doctor and bring them all up at once. Saves me time and anxiety, as well as doctor bills.
I won’t go into great depth on the variety of female issues that I went in with this time, but suffice to say that I got my money’s worth for sure. The biggest problem was that I’ve been having some back pain and my cramps have been getting worse (like bad bad) and stuff, and so 1N made me go to the doctor.
So (and here’s where my male friends might want to tune out, although it’s not THAT bad and it is kinda funny) I combined that with my yearly exam and a couple other issues, and that’s how I found myself on my back in a hospital gown discussing Young Frankenstein.
Normally, when I go in for these exams, I prepare almost like it’s a date. Which, now that I’m re-reading it sounds a little odd. But seriously, I shave and all that because, well, I don’t want to be the patient that he tells his wife about when he gets home. I’m sure it happens.
So this time I totally forgot I even had a doctor’s appointment, and there was no shaving or anything, and I’m remembering this at the precise moment that I’m stripping down to don the lovely hospital gown and blanket, and now suddenly I’m totally self-conscious and no matter how much I tell myself that he’s seen all this before, I’ve still got my pride, right?
Hard to have pride when you’re sitting there with your butt hanging out and unshaven legs and waiting for the doc to come in. Seriously. It is difficult being a woman sometimes.
My regular doc is also my gyno, which means that as a man, he has to have a female medical assistant in the room with him while he does his exam. So somehow they got into this conversation about this new cervical cancer vaccine coming out, which all in all is super interesting, but it’s hard having two people have a discussion and try to include you whilst you are on your back, knees in the air and people are looking at your private bits while you’re worried about unshaven legs.
So after the exam we have to do breast checks, because, you never know when you might get a lump or something, so I’m sitting there with my boob hanging out, and until that very moment I’d forgotten about the fact that once those boobs come out, well, there’s a little something extra, and sure enough, there ensues a discussion on how nipple rings are just like doorknockers, and before you know it we’re talking about Young Frankenstein and how in the movie someone said “Nice knockers!” and how they’re so shocked that I’ve never seen the movie, and the entire time I’m still getting my breast exam, and really it’s just odd. Just really bizarre, but honestly I have to say I have never laughed so hard during an annual exam in my life.
Just thought you’d like to know.