lfb: a hard of hearing what?

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As a result of another comment on my topic blog the other day, here’s my MUCH belated LFB blog done in the style of your favorite split personality, Sally Two Enn. Click here to see a previous blog by her, if you’re confused.

Dear Diary,

Today was very exciting! I am almost too giddy to write, but gosh darnit! I need to get this out!

I found a beautiful ring today. It’s gold, and it fits my finger perfectly. It’s got a gigantic ruby set in the middle of it, and it’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

But that’s not even the best part!

I was cleaning it, you know, because it was really dirty. I found it in the gutter outside one of those places, you know. The ones I wrote about last time. I don’t know how I got there, I was in another of those outfits except this one had a white fluffy bunny rabbit tail on the back and it was made of that shiny plastic stuff.

Anyway, so I was cleaning the ring, and suddenly there was this huge puff of smoke, and a genie came out! Seriously! He told me that I have three wishes that he HAS to grant me! It was kind of wierd though, I asked him if I could take some time to think, and he suggested that I take a shower if I thought I smelled bad, I don’t know what that was all about, but anyway. I think I’m going to sleep on it and decide tomorrow. I think my first wish will be for a bunny rabbit!


Sally Two Enn

Dear Diary,

Oh my [censored], this chik is un-[censored]-beleifable. Surious! I woked up this morning, and they’re’s this big [censored] rabit on the bed! Not a BUNNY rabit, but a rabit SEX TOY. Somehow she wished for a bunny rabbit and got a funy rabit instead! Looks like she had no idea what to do with it eether! Maybe I’ll just give her a helping…errr…hand….with that.

I’m so disgusdid with this stuppid [censored], she has no [censored] idea what she’s doing. I am going to realy [censored] her up this time, she’ll never know what hit her.


[Censored] Two Enn

Dear Diary,

OMM! I was so excited to wake up this morning because I was looking forward to having my bunny rabbit that I wished for last night! Except when I woke up this morning, there was this big ugly pink plastic thing that was kind of in the form of a bunny but wasn’t the bunny rabbit I wished for! I don’t even know what to do with this thing!

To top it off, when I woke up the bed was a mess, there were scratches all over my headboard, and I’m wearing another one of those outfits with the rabbit tail! I said I wanted a bunny rabbit, not to BE a bunny rabbit!

I’m trying to figure out what to wish for next, since this one didn’t turn out as well as I hoped. I have to be careful because I only have two wishes left.

I think I’ll wish for a brand new car. Red, and fast, and expensive! That’s pretty clear!


Sally Two Enn

Dear Diary,

HAHAHAHAHA! This [censored] [censored] [censored] is kraking me the [censored] up! She wished for a fast, espensive red car, and ended up in an espensive, red BAR! It was an upscale striper’s club! OMG I am absolutely [censored] histerricall, she is so [censored] DUM!

Of course, as soon as I realized where she was, I imediately took over. I dancd on the bar, on the custimer’s lap’s, on the stage…hehehehe! Never had so much fun in my life! Maybe I’ll KEEP control and make her third wish for her! I think she could USE a little pep in her liffe, the [censored] little [censored]!

Maybe something like a life time supplie of KY gelly or sumthing!

[Censored] lafing,

[censored] Two Enn

Dear Diary,

I have no idea what is going on! This morning I woke up in a club, of all places, with my hair chopped off and sticky stuff stuck in it! I had a french maid outfit on with thigh high white patent go-go boots! I’m actually kind of liking the go-go boots, really.

But the real problem is that I woke up this morning and my apartment was filled with cherry jello!

I mean, it’s tasty and stuff, and for some reason there’s thoughts of wrestling matches and stuff running through my head, which is freaky but kind of exciting at the same time. When I asked the genie about it, he refused to come out of the ring and said that I wished for the jello which was my third wish! I tried explaining that I didn’t, but he didn’t answer so I don’t think he was listening to me. Or maybe he didn’t hear me.

But who ever heard of a genie that couldn’t hear?

Oh well. I have a craving for jello all of a sudden. I’ll try not to get any on my new boots. Pretty!


Sally Two Enn

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