I’ve been thinking a lot lately about both the “good old days” (90s anyone?) and the bonds between people, specifically between me and my friends and family. Have you ever felt like suddenly all the people your life seemed to revolve around – or at least, orbit most of the time – are suddenly off doing their own things, having their own lives without you, and you wonder how and when that happened?

Me too.

A couple weeks ago, I found out that my dad got married, and I didn’t even know. I found out today my grandpa’s new wife (that’s a whole other blog just waiting to happen) has left him. Where was I when all of this was going on??

A few weeks ago I scheduled a monthly coffee date with my old friends that I used to hang out with all the time. I haven’t seen most of them in what feels like years – which makes me sad, because they’re some of the most awesome people I know and for a long time, they were the only thing holding me together.

Then life happened, and kids, and weddings, and graduations, and so on and so on ad nauseam, and somehow you realize years have gone by and the only contact you’ve had with people that mean so much to you is via the Facebook. Or whatever they call it these days.

At any rate, as I was driving down to coffee today, I was imagining what I would do if no one showed up (most likely sit sadly by myself reading for an hour till I gave up and went home, which while pleasantly melodramatic was definitely not as good as seeing and hugging everyone). I also thought a lot about bonds – what draws us to each other and how easy it is to let those bonds attenuate until suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, you’re not even friends with the same people anymore.

I was also nervous. I imagined scenarios where we would spend 15 minutes catching each other up on our lives, then this weird sort of awkward silence would fall when we would run out of things to talk about, till everyone made excuses to leave.

Thankfully, nothing like that happened. While not everyone was able to make it, many did, and it was so easy to slip back into the old camaraderie. I couldn’t help but notice the nature of the conversations and how they have changed though. From talking about the latest drunken escapade to how our kids are graduating (all of us today had a story about a 2019 graduate), how our knees are starting to give out, how we have to get multi-focal lenses in our grandpa (or grandma) glasses now, how some of us are even about to become grandpas and grandmas (no, not me YET – The Kid still has a ways to go before that, thankfully). It was just interesting to watch us all interact in new and different ways but still with the same warmth and closeness we’ve always had.

I feel truly lucky that I was able to reconnect with old friends today. I know I have work to do with my family. It’s true that the ties that bind people together don’t just automatically preserve themselves – it takes work, and time, and attention. I think as I get older and build more and more of my own life, I forget to check in and check up on those that mean a lot to me. It’s something I want to get better at.

In the meantime, I can’t wait till next month’s coffee date!